1. Just deleted everything. again..

So. How does one even write one of these blog things. First off, I can’t stand the word blog, it sounds like something a thirteen-year-old girl would make on her Piczo webpage back in the stone age when I was young. Now I’m just old and grumpy and don’t like anyone or anything and will therefore call it my journal.

Two days ago, I got an intrusive thought of just deleting everything on Instagram. So, I did. And boy did it feel good. I once came across a post where an artist described it as being caught in the void between wanting to be seen and validated. And not being seen and just live completely incognito. It’s a two-edged sword where both sides have their respective downfalls.

Being on SoMe has a third edge to. The constant algorithmic feed of content created solely to trigger a response and continue scrolling, and I fall for it every time. I suppose it’s easy to point the finger at me at say it’s my own choice, but one need to remember that this platform has been designed for this specific purpose, and unfortunately there are those of us that really struggle to manage this for our own good.

When I came into Instagram 10+ years ago, it was nothing like what it is today. I remember that I really loved the grid layout where I could group together my best photos and have access to them whenever I wanted to. My account was never meant to be public. It was just meant to be a place where I could have my work for my own pleasure. That being said, I have met some wonderful human beings on that platform.

If you feel you’ve lost track of the path you were on, it means you're on the right path, a wise guy/gal once said. Well… My insecurities have always led me astray in the world of photography. I think it was Nick Carver that once described himself as a bit of a solitary photographer, because of the exact same thing. He sees something that another artist creates, and it messes with his own artistic vision. I have the same issue. therefore, I try to shy away from looking at other artist’s work. But it makes me feel bad, as I feel kinda obligated to give feedback to those that do it to me.

All of what I have now written is just scratching the surface, as it would become a novel if I were to dive even deeper.

So where do I go from here? will I return to Instagram?

To be honest, I have no clue. I just feel the need to breathe. And writing like this, is nothing I have done before so it’s almost like a breath of fresh air in that sense.

Maybe I’ll keep writing a while before I make up my mind.